


The Ultimate Wingman

by deathbyspaceglam



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Bad Cooking, Canon Compliant, Cooking Lessons, F/F, Gen, Pining, Pre-Canon, papyrus as the ultimate wingman, undyne is 90s anime trash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-24
Updated: 2017-02-24
Packaged: 2018-09-26 14:06:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 784
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9902108
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deathbyspaceglam/pseuds/deathbyspaceglam
Summary: During a cooking lesson, Papyrus overhears Undyne’s phone conversation and puts two and two together.





	

Nothing brought Papyrus and his best friend Undyne closer than cooking. She was giving him lessons- which usually ended in her house catching on fire- but Papyrus supposed that if he was a good cook, he would be great royal guardsman. Undyne was the captain of the Royal Guard and surely an excellent chef, if she was giving the great Papyrus lessons.

To his knowledge, Papyrus was the only one taking cooking lessons from Undyne. But he was by no means her only friend. Every day, she spoke of the Royal Scientist, a lizard monster called Alphys. From the sound of it, she and Undyne spent a lot of time watching “human history” together and looking through the garbage dump for swords. Undyne never went a day without saying Alphys’ name in conversation. Papyrus was beginning to wonder…

 

"Okay, we're going to need some more lighter fluid," declared Undyne, stabbing the noodles with magic spears. Papyrus nodded and left the kitchen counter.

Just as Papyrus passed the table, Undyne's phone started to vibrate. Fighting evil by moonlight! Winning love by daylight! Never running from a real fight! She is the one named Sailor Moon!

"Undyne! Your phone is ringing!" Papyrus called across the room. He looked down at the phone on the table to see who was calling. The phone displayed a picture of a yellow lizard with glasses and the white collar of a lab coat. The Royal Scientist! The name projected under this picture read "Alphys <3".

Undyne quickly turned off the stove and whipped around to face her friend. "Who's calling?" she asked. There was a gleam of hope in her good eye as she reached to take the phone from Papyrus's hand. She glanced down at the screen and gasped. "Oh my god! I haven't talked to her in weeks!" Tapping the screen, Undyne pressed the phone against her ear. "Hello?"

Papyrus leaned against the kitchen counter with a smirk on his skeletal face. Undyne sounded excited to talk to her friend Alphys, and it made him wonder if something else was going on between them.

"It's been three weeks! How've you been?" Undyne was saying. She cradled the phone to her ear, pressing it lightly against one of her cheek fins. "Wow, that sounds intense. How much sea grass are you gonna need?" She listened and nodded. "Okay, I can do that. And after you get the sea grass, can we watch some more human history? Like that one with the girls who transform and fight monsters?"

Papyrus chuckled lightly. How many ways could Undyne find to say the same thing? Fighting princesses, flowery swordswomen... girls who transform and fight monsters. If human history had genres, Undyne certainly had a type.

Undyne was laughing into the phone about something Alphys had just said. "I know. I can't get it out of my head either. So... this weekend?" After a few seconds, she nodded. "Then it's a date! See you then, bye!" She hung up very fast and tossed the phone back onto the table, breathing heavily.

Papyrus was still leaning against the counter. Undyne buried her face in his chest. "What did I say?" she moaned. "Did I say 'it's a date'? Why did I say that?"

Papyrus awkwardly patted his friend on the back and she started to calm down. She took a deep breath. "Okay. Whatever just happened, happened. I need to accept it and move on." She looked Papyrus directly in the eye sockets. "Nothing happened, okay?"

"Okay," he said. "What happened?"

"Nothing!" insisted Undyne. "Nothing happened. Alphys asked if she could use some of Waterfall's sea grass for science, then we made plans to watch human history together. It's no big deal! It's just something friends do." She flushed slightly.

"Really?" asked Papyrus. "The blush on your cheeks says otherwise. Would I be right in guessing... that you have romantic feelings for a certain Dr. Alphys?" He winked and nudged Undyne in the ribs.

She glanced up at the ceiling, then looked down at the floor for the longest time. Finally, she turned her head to one side. Her cheeks were a fantastic shade of maroon under her blue scales. She sighed deeply. "Okay. You got me. Yeah." She straightened up suddenly and pumped a fist dramatically in the air. "Yeah! I, Undyne, am head over heels in love with only the cutest Dr. Alphys! She's gorgeous and smart and amazing and I want to make her my wife! Ngahhh!!!"

Papyrus grinned. His grin would be from ear to ear, only skeletons don't have ears. "I saw an official dating rule book in Snowdin's library. I could check it out for you if you want."


End file.
